Monday, April 4, 2011

The eternal cycle of friendships that come and go

This post has zero to do with romance reading, books and what not, but I needed to express this in some way so I decided to use my blog that no one reads to do so. This is something that I wish I would have the opportunity to tell to the person's face... and mind you, I've broken up with friends before telling them exactly why... not that they understood... which is prtty much why they are not my friends any longer ...

Anyway, I am a gamer. I am co-admin of a gaming kinship in Lord of the Rings Online (LOTRO) with my husband. It was a kinship that we have put a lot of effort into. After four years of playing LOTRO I find myself now bored with that particular game. The main reason is that the developers have not added any content of substance in over two years. I have done the vast majority of what there is to do and I have explored pretty much every nook and cranny in that cyber world. Another MMO game was released last month, Rift. When some of us in the kinship had a chance to participate in the last couple of Beta tests we fell in love with the game and decided that we were going to keep ourselves occupied with it until there is more content available in LOTRO or another MMO catches our eye.

I informed my kin that neither my husband nor I had the time to oversee yet another guild. Several of the members in my kin started a guild in Rift, which I joined, along with a few others who are also members of my LOTRO kin. That guild has 5 chiefs: 4 of them came from my LOTRO kinship, and 1 is friends with one of the four from my kinship. The guy's personality rubbed me the wrong way from day one, but I decided to ignore it, though my gut feeling was telling me "run to the hills" from early on. I figured that all I needed to do was stay out of his way. Anyway, to make the story short, he made a comment (that I am sure he will allege was a joke) pretty much targeting me, at which point I stuck the proverbial middle finger (not literally, but in my head, I didn't want to create scenes) in his general direction and removed myself from the guild. My husband left too. I explained to those that came from my LOTRO kinship what happened and why I left. I didn't post anything in their forums either, again, I was not bound to create scenes.

Anyway, the whole incident showed me who my friends were. I wasn't expecting any sort of reaction from 3 out of the three, however, I received a heartfelt apology from one of them (even though he had nothing to do with the incident)... and zero reaction from the one that I was expecting some words from. I wasn't even expecting an apology, but more something along the lines of "oh he was just joking..." or something neutral, even if she didn't agree with my reaction. Instead, zero is what I got. True colors showing again.

I have her on my FB. I haven't decided yet what to do, I can be a hypocrite with people at work, because I consider those people "acquaintances" ... I don't know how to be a hypocrite with people I used to call friends. For now, I turned off her feed on my Wall. I am still feeling hurt about all this. I hate when I lose my trust on people I used to call "friends". Thing is that even if I don't know the person face to face, I don't know how to use the word "friend" lightly, to me the person is real because, well, the person IS a real person.

Anyway, I needed to take some of this off my chest, and now I have done so. I don't know if I'll even bother to talk to her. I have told people in the past exactly why I couldn't call them "friends" any longer. It takes guts to do so, but at my age, I think that probably it accomplishes nothing. It may be better to let go, and it will all fade, though things will never be the same even if we continue talking to each other. I am sure she's oblivious.


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